We've Come So Far....Has It Really Been 5 Years?

Ellie's First Birthday

Sometimes it seems as though she has been gone for a lifetime.  Other times it seems as though it was just yesterday we said goodbye.  Ellie's anniversary was yesterday, April 17th.  She has been gone 5 years.  I really did not feel like blogging about this yesterday to be honest.  Each time I thought about getting on and saying a few things it felt like a chore, a job, an obligation to others...and I just was not feeling it.  I knew it would feel right another day.  Tonight it did...so here I am. 

I think she could see Angels...

We have come a really long way in 5 years.  I always have the words, "one day at a time" in the back of my head especially when days are gray.  However, I have always tried to always celebrate the life of Ellie, the times we shared with her and continue her legacy in some way.  I feel we have made some real progress in these areas.  Don't get me wrong...some days all I want to do is hide in a great big hole and escape from the world.  But, we all know that we can't stay there forever right?  And Ellie is always powering me forward honestly.  What example would I be setting to Gabby, Jeff and others if I did this?  Ellie was so strong in her short lifetime.  Therefore, I owe it all to her to be strong for my family and friends.

It's okay to grieve though, I have realized.  This is why I have recently organized a 'Bereavement Group' for our community!  In the last 5 years, I have met individuals that have lost children. Jeff and I have spoken at multiple events and shared our story with others. It is humbling and reassuring to be able to talk to others that have experienced similar situations. It has encouraged me and given me inspiration to move forward. We listen to each other, our struggles, give a hug, tell each other that no matter what our situations are or the outcomes we have faced, we are supported. We all have a common bond…something that not all parents can say they have had before. And even though every situation we have experienced may be different…in a way there is similarity. We have all lost children. Whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, infant, childhood or adult death…we have lost our children.

Our Angel! 

Each time I meet a new person that has lost a child I am grateful. However, as I part from them, I can’t help but think about others. What about someone else that has lost a child and might be looking for another person to talk to, however, is too afraid to reach out for help? I have learned, through my grieving process that we are afraid sometimes to speak with counselors or therapist’s initially, rather, desire something or someone not as formal. Therefore, I have decided to start a bereavement group. This is in no way shape or form” therapy”. I am not certified to formally counsel others or provide therapy. But I do know that I am to provide my time and heart to someone else that has gone through this tragic experience. My hope is that we can all find support from each other. This group could allow other parents that chosen not to take the step of talking with others for some reason or another…to do so now. Or just spending time in the presence of others that have lost children is a huge step forward. 

The group is set to begin on April 28th and will continue every third Thursday of the month thereafter.  It is for people that have lost children through miscarriage, stillbirth, infant, childhood and adult death.  I feel this should reach a lot of people.  The local newspaper in our area is running an article this week promoting the group and I can't wait to what is said! I hope that this group succeeds!  I know that it has the potential to!  Only God knows the outcome right?  He will bring people in need forward and I will be forever blessed to have met them!  Coming forward and walking into a room of people to speak about the hardest thing you have had to go through in your life is hard...real hard!  The last thing we want to do is face the fact that our child(ren) are gone and working through this is even harder!

Talking Away....

So..."We've Come So Far" can be a good thing.  We may not always have great days, but it really helps me to be active and help others.  Because we all know when we help others...in return we help ourselves. 

xoxo, Katie