Three Years Ago Today...

Three years ago today our lives changed forever. We lost our angel, Ellie.

As I think of all the things I want to say about this day, my mind wanders. What should I say, what do people want to hear(sounds crazy, but true), how have we changed in three years. At any rate, I know that I have so many thoughts that I want to convey to everyone, but I just can't get it into paragraphs and be very creative. With that being said, here goes my thoughts in no random order...

*I know that my life has changed forever.
*I know that I lost the most precious gift in all my life that God gave to me...on April 17, 2006.
*I know that people are there to help you and talk to you...if you let them into your life to do so.
*I know that God takes people for a reason, but it is up to us to eventually make sense of it all.
*With that being said, I know that I still wonder why he took my daughter that was put on this Earth to change my life and, in my mind, change the world and make medical history.
*I know that Ellie changed people's lives. She helped people become stronger in faith, stronger with their love for others and stronger in appreciating life because you never know when it will be over.
*I know that some mommies and daddies don't take their children for granted because of witnessing what Ellie went through.
*I know that I love rose plants now because of all of the roses I saw during Ellie's time with us that confirmed and served as a sign to me that everything was going to be okay.
*I know that I have the most wonderful husband in the world that has picked me up when I thought I could no longer go on and talked me through my worst days.
*I know that Ellie helped me to continue my profession with helping others which has made me a stronger person.
*I know that Ellie helped me to help other mother's that have lost children.
*I know that Ellie fought so hard to live and just could not fight any longer.
*I know that doctors and nurses were amazed at her strength and calmness as she let anyone work on her without much complaining.
*I know that I will be forever grateful for all of the dontations that were made to Riley Hospital c/o Dr. Bilmire's Research Fund in order to search for answers and treatment for some of the issues Ellie had.
*I know that we would not have Gabby today if it weren't for Ellie.
*I know that Ellie taught me to be the mother I am today to Gabby.
*I know that Ellie is Gabby's guardian angel. She watches over her and protects her.
*I know that my children will know Ellie as best as possible because Jeff and I have promised each other to talk to them about her.
*I know that it is my goal to somehow design a place for people that need to grieve or talk to go to. I have thought of a park possibly in Ellie's name. Or a center with brochures, information, volunteer therapists on hand to help, etc. Or even a monthly meeting held at a local gathering place with others that have lost people in their lives and need to talk. This is my current work in progress.
*I know that my friends and family have been the cornerstone of the grieving process for us. Without them all...we are nothing.

I really have no idea what was just written. I wrote with love and from the heart. I will go back now, I am sure, and read what was written above. I guess I could go on and on forever about Ellie. Who can stop talking about their children for God's sake! But, I beleive that I summed up the things I needed to say.

Please pray for us today. Ellie's anniversary is never an easy day!